Eff You, FIFA
On behalf of all Americans in Europe, I want to give a big, proud, middle finger to FIFA's world rankings. While the USA is currently tied for 5th, we weren't given a #1 seed in the upcoming World Cup, unlike Mexico (team motto: "We'll kick your ass, as long as it's in Mexico City or our players are allowed to dope") and Germany (team motto "Go to hell, Coach Klinsmann, unless we win."). This means I have to a) defend our ranking (we should be in the 8-12 range, in my opinion) and b) explain why we can get out of our group yet we lost to Germany 4-1 (summary: our B team was down 1-0 with 20 min left against the German A team that had to win to save the coach's job). So, FIFA, either fix the rankings or the seedings, or bite me. Your choice, Jackasses.