We all have "friends" that we would never dream of turning to for help, people whose relationship to us bears no resemblance to that of our close friends. Of course, many of these "friends" develop into real friends, but until then? Faux Friends. The scale runs from 1 to 10, with 10 being the friend equivalent of navel lint -- it's attached to you but only because you're too lazy to get rid of it.
Faux Friend Archetype | Identifying Characteristics | Why Keep Them In My Life? | Faux-tacity |
---|---|---|---|
Former Best Friends | You used to be great pals but now you've drifted away. | Remember the time... | 1 |
Team Friends | You play sports with these guys | Hating your teammates only is cool if you're a professional athlete -- Just ask Kobe or TO | 2 |
Work Friends | You feign respect for the same set of management monkeys | Piss him/her off and guess who's spotlighted for downsizing? | 3 |
Church / Temple / Mosque / Cult Friends | You see each other once a week -- 3 times a week if you're Baptist | Not a good idea to piss off one of the Saved/Chosen/Anointed/Fallen Ones | 4 |
4 Drinks Into A Night Friends | They were pretty cool after 3-9 pints of Guinness | They are pretty cool after 3-9 pints of Guinness | 5 |
Email Forward Friends | You only communicate via "funny" email forwards | You don't want to miss the upcoming "Best Daily Show Palin Jokes" list | 6 |
"Let's Just Be Friends" Friends | The tramp/asshat you were stupid/crazy enough to date | Two words: Backslide Sex | 7 |
Significant Other's Friends | You see them once a month while still dating, which is once more than you will after breaking up. | Two Words: Revenge Sex | 8 |
Vacation Friends | Everyone is more appealing with a beach and a sunset in the background | Blowing them off will be EXTREMELY awkward when you bump into them in Aruba next year | 9 |
Facebook Friends | You don't know where you met, but you know s/he's eating chicken for dinner | Criminals always choose someone with no contacts to execute as an example -- having a large number of these guys could buy you some time | 10 |
3 comments:
Whenever I feel like work is just about to drag me under, I check your blog and am brought back to life!
Glad I can help!
not sure where I fall on this scale....i'm kinda scared to find out. yikes.
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