Friday, September 04, 2009

Blow Me, You Lazy Jackasses

For a country full of people obsessed not only with following rules, however arbitrary, but also with making sure complete strangers follow rules, Germany seems to have only one* law that is ignored by EVERYONE except foreigners -- the poop scoop law. In 3.5 years here, I've seen ONE German (but every foreigner) pick up after their dog and every gd day I see dog shit every-fing-where. Here's my message to you useless son/daughter-of-a-bitch** owners:

(Note, I semi-edited this rant that was rattling around my skull while working out.)

GFY, you lazy mf'ers. Get a plastic fing bag, put it on your fing hand, and pick the feces up. Then throw it the f away. Is that so fing hard, you troglodytic morons? You're so gd fing excited to yell at people for jaywalking when there's no fing traffic, how about following a fing law meant to keep your city from smelling of dogsh!t.

Thus ends the rant.

* My first year, I thought it was the one outlawing overtanning, but apparently there is no such thing as overtanned in Deutschland.
** Not cursing in this specific usage!


seanlb said...

let it out man. let it out.

you know where they pick up a lot of dog poop?

India motha fucka!

jtingermany said...

I do feel better after the rant. If you'd offered me the trip to a dog poop-free India yesterday, I'd be in an ashram today!

angrylilazngrl said...

as an fing owner of two fing dogs, i agree with you. i have plastic bags in all my pockets and have ever since the ONE day (three weeks after moving here) i'd forgotten them and my youngest took a big steamy poo right on the front of what seemed like hundreds of onlookers. i was chewed out by an old man and crawled home in shame. dog parents....there are plastic bag dispensers all around the city, and if you cannot find one, DM has marvelous poo bags.....