Some Tips for Talking With HR

A friend recently asked for my help before her chat with semi-annual HR performance review. Here are my suggestions:

1. Prepare to explain your situation to a third-grader. With a learning disability. And ADHD. References to Transformers and/or Spiderman would not be amiss. If speaking with a female HR rep, consider a Barbie metaphor.
2. Lower your expectations. To the sub-basement.
3. When in despair, drink. What do you think spurred the 3-martini lunch in the 80s? The rise of corporate HR.

Feel free to add your own suggestions!