Thursday, November 19, 2009

LOTR Rewatch: The Two Towers Part 1

1:45 - You have to respect Jackson's decision to milk the cool bad guy for all he can -- too bad Lucas didn't start Attack of the Clones with more Darth Maul bad-assery.

2:15 - This does remind me of something my granddad taught me -- never turn your back on demons carrying whips of fire. Duh.

4:45 - To quote Han Solo, "Nice work, Sam [Chewie]-- always thinkin' with your stomach". Having the ringbearer risk his life for your box of Shire salt -- smart work, tubby.

13:45 - This is remarkably similar to a walking tour of Amsterdam that Dan, April and I took. Just replace all the rocks with 18th-century buildings, stinking marshes with canals and Gollum with a witty tour guide, and there you go!

15:50 - I'm pretty sure that these Uruk-hai are just Arsenal fans that missed one of their monthly showers. Smart casting, that.

18:20 - This chase scene is really just another step in Gimli's tragic slide into comic reliefdom.

19:10 - Isengard is now in desperate need of a Queer Eye for the Straight (or maybe not -- not even a whiff of a Mrs. Saruman) Wizard makeover.

22:50 - It's hard to be snarky when so many innocents are being killed, but a blogger does what he must.

25:00 - Is it just me, or does Wormtongue remind you of Karl Rove?

29:00 - Just when you think a normal orc is annoying, here comes the whiny one. Evil, filthy, violent AND a voice like fingernails on a chalkboard? Ugh.

30:20 - And apparently his manager agreed.

33:00 - It's weird how you get a bunch of dudes dressed in leather and steel and the testosterone just oozes out of every pore.

38:15 - "What madness drove them [into Fangorn]?" Gimli, were you not listening to the part about the battle and the orcs chasing them?

42:00 - After his success as a guide, I think that a GPS with Gollum's voice would be a big seller. "After 200 meterssssss, take a left, nasty hobbitsessss!"

49:55 - I don't think the Nazgul were hunting the ring -- I think they're just joyriding on their sweet new flying reptiles.

53:25 - Hey, look, it's Gandalf! In clean clothes! And with what seems to be a rather nasty case of identity theft.

54:15 - It looks cool, but why is there a tower built into the peak of the mountain? One man's vanity project is another's dramatic platform for smiting.

58:00 - If Shadowfax is such a buddy of Gandalf's, why did he sit out the first movie? Contract demands?

1:04:00 - I have to say, troll-powered automatic doors are pretty cool.

1:05:40 - Evil henchmen are much less threatening when they wear mascara.

1:08:30 - Dreaming of a huge pile of pipeweed? Not even my heavy-smoking friends have dreams about piles of Marlboros. Kumar on the other hand...

1:14:10 - Hitting on Eowyn while she's grieving -- sleazy and counterproductive. No wonder Wormtongue thinks Saruman is his only chance to score.

1:19:00 - I love how Gandalf completely ignores the fight going on around him. Just another day at the office.

1:25:00 - Ok, the burial singing is nice and all, but I'd prefer to skip to the orcs.

1:30:30 - One problem with having a horse-based culture be a focus of the movie is the recurrent "dramatic" riding scenes. Followed, of course, by the spellbinding horse-whispering of Aragorn!

1:33:00 - "You stink of horse" Saruman's not exactly the king of witty reparteé, is he?

1:35:05 - So, Aragorn has a thing for strong, independent women. That's a feather in his cap!

1:39:00 - The first appearance of the Smeagol/Gollum dual personalities, good times!

1:42:00 - Fish 'n Chips or sashimi? I've gotta side with Smeagol on this one, as long as the fish in question is tuna and not cod. Then Sam's got the right idea.

1:46:00 - Ah, Faramir, battlefield philosopher.

No comments: