Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Stolen Top 5 of the 2000s : Worsts

5. TV Network: Fox News, duh. Close runner-up? Every German TV station during the Federer-Nadal 2008 Wimbledon Final. Biggest tennis match of the decade wasn't on live -- gotta show those weekly car racing highlights!

4. Movie: " Deathproof" - The one thing about Tarantino flicks is that they have good dialogue. Not this one. Of course, it's his homage to crappy 70s "grindhouse" flicks, so maybe he was aiming for crap. If so, he succeeded. Big time.

3. Book: "Wuthering Heights" What a load of crap. "Classic"? Can I get a "hell, no!"?. Its plot is less believable than a 1960s Spiderman cartoon and its characters would have to gain depth to be one-dimensional. "Gravity's Rainbow" and "Dr. Zhivago" were close runners-up.

2. Date: Hanna - This was so bad I'm using her real name. It started well, with 20 minutes of great conversation. Then she started having trouble focusing. Then she kept sniffling and rubbing her nose. But she claimed she wasn't sick and didn't have allergies. Then came an incredibly short attention span, fidgiting, and an inability to find her own apartment, even though it was "right around the corner." 45 minutes in, and I knew I had to see it through for the story. Goldmine!

1. Year: 2007 - Dumped, forced to supervise fing Milhouse, finding out a colleague was lying about me at work, multiple ultimate injuries, "Gravity's Rainbow" AND numbers 2 and 4 on this list were almost enough to break my spirit. I made it through, thanks to great friends, great trips and enough booze to incapacitate an Irish novelist.

1 comment:

Steve said...

Fox News? There are so many worse networks that are much less funny. Had to read WH in AP English. It is dreadful. And, yeah 2007 was a pretty bad year. At least the first half. The second half kicked ass.

okild - when someone is caught in a fabrication, he/she will text this instead of spelling out OK I Lied.