Star Wars Rewatch: The Empire Strikes Back Part 1

0:50 - It's kind of a downer scroll at the start. What happened to the big party at the end of the last one? And how is Luke a leader? One lucky shot and they follow the guy? This rebellion impresses me less with each movie. And Vader is OBSESSED with Luke?

2:50 - Wow. Watching the movies back-to-back really emphasizes the huge leap in special effects quality.

4:00 - Way to be aware of your environment, Jedi-boy.

4:30 - Everyone else wears white to blend in, Han has the stylin' blue number -- with a fur-lined hood, no less. Classy!

5:55 - It didn't take Leia long to go from confident, funny smart-ass to angry and annoying.

8:45 - I'm betting waking up hanging upside-down to the sounds of hungry animal roars is worse than my alarm.

13:00 - So, why has Ben waited so long to pass Luke on to Yoda? Does Jedi telepathy require you to be near death? And why doesn't he tell Luke to drag Leia with him?

16:30 - So is the bath with the super underwear to get rid of the taunton funk?

16:50 - Hey, look, Luke has scars now! And they look nothing like scars one would get in a car wreck.

19:50 - The Imperial March! Sooooo menacing. And it sounds NOTHING like "Mars, Bringer of War" by Holst.

20:50 - What kind of dumbass tries to argue with Vader? I'm not confident in his chances of surviving. And why was Veers standing DIRECTLY behind Vader? That was creepy. I do love the glare given to Captain Suck-Up, though. Every office has an ass-kisser!

21:30 - So, is the Falcon proof that Han's a great mechanic or a bad one? It flies, but just barely. You start out thinking he's Jesus with a hyperspanner, but I'm skeptical.

22:55 - Is that Vader's egg? His nook? And I think the guy talking to him is the head Nazi in the Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

23:30 - "He's as clumsy as he is stupid" -- I think that about 10 times a day while at work

23:50 - I love the guy in the background looking over his should as Ozzel drops dead -- then sees Vader and immediately tries to look busy. Heh.

25:10 - Far be it from me to criticize, but 2 shots from the big gun was enough to get by the Star Destroyer?

25:40 - Luke's copilot is overly happy. That should work out well.

27:40 - Or not.

29:15 - I don't get why the infantry starts charging when the walker is destroyed -- did they forget the ships also had guns? They do realize they're just going to have to run back, right?

32:45 - OK, Luke's commando attack on the walker is cool. Good thing no one else tried it?

35:00 - So, is the Falcon's only surprise its lasers? And it's so disappointing that Han actually says, "Punch it" and not, "Punch it, Chewie"

37:30 - And so begins the saga of the broken Falcon...

41:15 - How much time did Yoda spend in the Jedi archives looking for the perfect shithole?

43:00 - I think Lucas went back to the well once too often with the serpent-under-the-water-but-not-really-a-danger thing.

44:00 - Vader's ship is badass, but the coolness is quickly ruined by seeing his scarred noggin. Definitely worse than catching your boss picking his nose.

47:15 - And the first appearance by everyone's favorite Jedi master! Is he testing Luke's resistance to annoyance? I actually think he's gone insane by not having contact with anyone else for 20 years. And you can tell Luke has recovered from his mauling/frostbite when he starts whining again.

50:50 - I love Han when he's being smarmy AND a smartass. Though how much older is he than Leia? I'm thinking 5-10 years.

53:00 - I like this Emperor, though he has some messed up eyes. And does he know Vader is trying to topple him and plans to swap Luke for Vader, or has he gotten soft?

55:40 - Yoda's the guy who thought Anakin was too old to begin his training and now is complaining about the same with Luke, so why didn't he leave his hovel and start his training earlier?

56:45 - Not finishing what he begins isn't the problem in the Skywalker clan. Remember how there weren't any Younglings at the Temple?

58:50 - I HATE it when mynocks chew on the power cables of my bike.

59:30 - How do you know Han's actually worried? He had a great opportunity to catch/grope Leia and he just ran by. He does, however, have time to take another shot at her hoity-toity attitude!

1:00:00 - Nerds, you can argue it's impossible to have such a life form in space, but you have to admit that's just cool.

1:01:20 - Knowing good from evil when you're calm, passive, etc. is pretty useless for a guy destined to face Vader and the Emperor. How about, "Look, just don't work with Vader or the Emperor."

1:02:30 - Has Yoda never dealt with a 20-something guy? The only way he'd leave his weapons behind is if Yoda implied it was cowardly to bring them.

1:03:30 - Did Yoda create this little Garden of Evil? Or did he just find it?

And while Luke ponders the meaning of his face under the mask, I'll end the first half. However, I think Yoda bringing him here was a huge mistake -- Luke now thinks he has a chance against Vader. Which, as we all know, is not true.