Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Star Wars Rewatch: A New Hope Part 2

1:03:28 - The Millenium Falcon looks big at first, but compared to the Stormtroopers it's kind of small. I wouldn't want to spend a few weeks in there with a wookie, that's for sure.

1:05:30 - So, the Stormtroopers get cool armor and the scanning crew gets jumpsuits from a gas station surplus store? They could ask Gomer if he wanted to get the oil checked and they'd look right at home. And are they Empire or private contractors? I'm thinking the latter.

1:05:55 - Is it possible that sideburns are some sort of symbol of rank in the Empire? If so, the guy calling TK421 reports directly to the Emperor. He's part wookie, I think.

1:06:30 - Luke's got a point about the noise. Does Obi-Wan's lightsaber have only a partial battery charge or something? And don't say he's saving his energy to face Vader -- how much effort does it take to cut a few guys in half? Nice shot of Luke preening after, though.

1:07:40 - And that's the end of Obi-Wan's time with the gang. He really maximizes the number of catchphrases for his screen time, though, right?

1:10:00 - "I can't see a thing in this helmet" -- Leave it to the Empire to go cheap on the gear for the troops!

1:12:00 - How many cameras does one room need? Are they filming all communications in 3D?

1:14:50 - "I must face him, alone!" You know Tarkin gets tired of Vader's Sith posturing.

1:16:20 - "Wonderful girl -- either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her!" Ah, the 70s. Such witty repartee! In the remake, this will be, "damn, I'd like to back that up!"

1:18:20 - Hey, Han, instead of firing randomly into the muck, why not shoot the tentacle holding Luke?

1:20:05 - Apparently Stormtrooper training emphasizes the honest nature of droids. And the one guarding the door clearly doesn't give a crap about two droids. He's just pissed he didn't get to guard the hot prisoner.

1:22:00 - I have to say, I never really bought the threat of the garbage compactor. At least, I don't think I did. I did, however, miss that there was apparently a shower and while-you-wait dry cleaners outside the garbage.

1:24:00 - One of the problems with the other movies is that none of the female characters (or really anyone except Han and young Obi-Wan) are as funny as Leia in this one.

1:26:40 - Why is the heroic Star Wars theme being played while Luke a) ducks and b) fails to even come close to hitting the stormtroopers? He's worse than me playing Halo while drunk. And what happened to the trooper on the far side BEFORE they swung over? I'm betting smoke break.

1:28:00 - Finally, some Jedi whoop-ass. I still think Obi-Wan should have taunted. After all, asking Darth if he misses walking barefoot might've thrown him. I also noticed Vader's Schwarz is longer, and that this seems more like a what I imagine a real swordfight to look like.

1:29:00 - I have to admit, I didn't take Ben's death so well the first time. And was Luke using the Dark Side afterward? Because he rather suspiciously hit a trooper WITH HIS FIRST SHOT.

1:31:00 - Luke's pretty broken up for losing a guy he'd known, what, a day? A week? Then again, he did just lose two father figures. But he gained a father/nemesis, big brother/sexual rival and a Chinatown-style sister/crush, so it's a wash.

1:32:30 - I just noticed that Chewie looks like he's playing the piano, not flying the Falcon. Meanwhile, each TIE fighter has a bigger explosion than Alderaan had.

1:35:10 - Nothing like man-talk after a big space battle. And as for the landing on Yavin, whenever I finally visit Tikal, I'm getting there early in the morning so i can wear a goofy helmet while I scan the horizon with my radar gun.

1:38:10 - You'd think with the Force and interstellar travel, they'd also have HD video.

1:41:00 - "You ok, Artoo?" I'm pretty sure his whistled reply was "Blow me, farmboy."

1:42:00 - Nothing like an exciting montage of cockpit closings!

1:43:50 - Apparently, Luke's master plan of flying straight into the side of the Death Star while firing wildly didn't pan out. Way to listen to the briefing, chief.

1:44:30 - A bit on the nose to call the fat guy "Porkins", isn't it?

1:45:07 - Next time I want someone to get their head out of their ass, I'm telling them "Pick up your visual scanning!"

1:47:50 - How annoying is Gold "Stay on target!" Leader? I'd say 7.3 Urkels.

1:51:20 - Does Luke's wingman have a space porn career to go with his porn 'stache?

1:52:55 - The hick that just arrived is hearing voices. Is no one else concerned?

1:53:55 - I love that Vader is beaten, not by Luke or Han, but by the incompetence of his hand-picked wingman. To see how the Emperor takes the news of this, check out this video. The official version at Adult Swim is blocked in Deutschland.

1:54:10 - A novice pilot named Skywalker from Tatooine just succeeded where the grizzled veterans couldn't, thanks to the Force! We'll never see that OR another Death Star again, I'd wager!

1:56:40 - Luke definitely was checking out Leia's cleavage during the medal ceremony. And why didn't Chewie get a medal? So specist.

And that's a wrap, nerds. Suck down the rest of the Milk Duds on your way home. I should have the next installment out in less than 12 parsecs*.

* Don't even start with me.

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