Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Champions League Live Blogging: Bayern Munich-Lyon 2nd Leg, 1st Half

0:19 - Müller wastes no time in continuing the suckage from the 1st leg. He whiffs on his first potential touch, then coughs up his second under no pressure.

2:00 - Müller isn't really making this hard. He manages to put an unmarked shot from 10 yards out a foot away from the goal. At least he's consistent.

4:30 - Everytime I hear "Altintop", I think of the online Luxembourgish lessons. Tiptop!

6:40 - Bayern got lucky -- if that corner isn't glanced on by one Lyonnais (great on sandwiches, btw), it's 1-0.

8:20 - Wow. Lahm just stopped a Lyon attack colder than the beer I'm about to open.

12:00 - I've figured out the perfect description of Müller's playstyle -- Elaine dancing. "It's more like a full-body dry heave". It's like watching Jeff Agoos, circa 2002, you know it's going to be bad, but you can't look away.

17:20 - How often do you think Robben's teammates want to punch him at practice? I'm betting the combination of whining and cockiness means it's at least once a week.

19:20 - Wow. This game hasn't been ugly so much as fugly. To quote the legendary Patches O'Hoolihan, "It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob."

24:00 - Apparently the players agree and are taking out their frustrations on each other with a series of blatant fouls that deservedly receive yellow. On the bright side for München, the name "Müller" hasn't been uttered for a while. No blown chances!

26:00 - Unglaublich! Müller actually set up a goal! Well, sort of. Olic had to make a good move to lose his guy, but that's uncannily competent work for the Bayern "striker". Of course, he had to blow his own opportunity first, but still. Wow.

30:30 - Lahm's stellar game almost got a lot less stellar. His lack of defense gave an open shot that was juuust wide.

33:00 - Robben didn't have a chance on his shot, but at least it was something. Does Lyon realize they need 3 goals to advance? They look content to play for the 1-0 loss.

37:50 - This game shows why ultra-defensive sides rarely win extended knockout play -- it only takes one bad game and you are far behind your ability to score.

43:00 - Now the teams are swapping offsides. Oy vey.

44:55 - A Lyonner does an excellent job of ignoring a teammate with a great shot to try to nutmeg a shot -- through his defender's closed legs.

Lyon's lack of enthusiam means that the 2nd half will likely go unblogged. Blame the French -- their offense is apparently on strike. Viva Le Greve!

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