Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Meet Ultimate deLux - Part 3

So, the big question on everyone's mind is... Where's Fred? Well, I don't like being confined by the strictures of an arbitrarily sorted system like the alphabet. So, I decided to introduce a bit of stochasticity and skip Fred. Or I had a brain fart.


(I chose this one solely for the glowing Stop!)
Nickname(s): Stiffy, Reverend, and I'm pushing for Brazil -- for the hairlessness
Best Throw: He throws out faaaaaabulous pregame sermons
Why He's NOT Awesome: This is much less work. And it's simple. I tend to approach ultimate tournaments like blockbuster movies -- I expect to be disappointed, and if I'm not? No loss. But Fred, with his insistence on kicking ass on the field and being relentlessly great off it has ruined this. Now I go to tournaments expecting to have a blast! Sure, I haven't been disappointed yet, but it's only been 5 tournaments -- it can't last forever.


(Gudi had to sign a pledge to improve her fashion sense before we allowed her on the team)
Nickname(s): Lord knows i've tried, but Gudi (sounds like Goody!) seems to have beaten out Kiosk. It's a shame -- entirely too positive.
Best Throw: She specializes in having the disc with no cutters, at which point I say something like, "Ooof, Gudi's in trouble" and then she shatters the mark and I look like the jackass with no confidence in his teammate.
Why She's Awesome: Actually, she's kind of a female version of Fred -- always happy, funny, and positive* -- yet more than happy to dish out as much heckling as I am. However, she does need work on either her rollerblading or her beer fetching -- I'm not sure which.


("Lich the elf! Lich the elf! Lich the elf!")
Nickname(s): Lich (pronounced "Lick", short for Liechtenstein)
Best Throw: She loves to throw long, down-the-line forehands while I yell "You have a dump". If you watch videos closely, you can usually see her turn to me, give me the finger and say, "dump this, JT".
Why She's Awesome: Ines has been part of the team from the start, and has improved at almost every tournament. Yet she somehow has kept a clean party slate -- I think her record is 7.2 minutes. However, once her destiny** as elf is fulfilled, she'll have no choice but to stay til the end!


(Jan is wondering what the hell I'll put for a caption, but Fred seems impressed by Jan's ass)
Nickname(s): Meister
Best Throw: Since he only turns it over once a year, I'd say
Why He's Awesome: Ah, Jan. One of the more "experienced" members of the team, he's always got an insight on tactics to help the team. Much more importantly, he's always there with a heckle or to point out any buzz-killery by the Captain.


(Meryl uses this as her screensaver)
Nickname(s): Meryl wants Angel, but she just doesn't understand (or, more likely, care) what blatant cock-blockery this would be
Best Throw: Forehand hucks that are inexcusably dropped by the D captain.
Why He's Awesome: Meryl would say his vegetarianism, French skills, elfery or angel face***. I like how he shuts down his defender, gets a big d, then acts like it's no big deal. Also, you can tell he wants to come over to the Dark Side**, but he's too nice. All in good time.

* I swear, we need more jackasses on this team. All this positivity is going to taint the bitterness of my blog.
** Cue "Imperial March" music from "The Empire Strikes Back"
*** Benny wants you to check out this video as explanation

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