12:00 - Second best thing about the vuvuzuelas? I don't have to watch the TV to know if I have the right channel. Best thing? Stay tuned. Worst thing? Everything else.
16:00 - What's the deal with refs and baldness? And do you think they shave their heads and shine them before the game, or just a shave? THIS is what sideline reporters are for.
17:30 - I think Brazil and Argentina have the best uniforms. The Germans prefer white, which is boring and pretty much look like every other white jersey on the planet. The Dutch sometimes look good in orange, but the light blue socks at the Euro killed it for me. Italy would get a nod if any of their players had made an effort, and if France had played in the World Cup I would mock their craptacular unis with the plastic crap on the back. But they didn't, so I won't. But I love the fact that the Chile flag looks like the Texas flag from a distance.
20:30 - This match just took the 2010 title for Most Needless Chest Traps at 47. Mark it down in your diary.
22:00 - Robinho better hope Brazil wins, because that cheeky back heel crap is going to get him a punch in the nuts from Dunga.
25:00 - This live blog brought to you by ultra-tasty Tegernsee Hell, best described by the German adjective, "leckerbayernmünchenärgern" which means, roughly, "as tasty as Bayern Munich is annoying."
27:00 - Note to Brazil: If you didn't collapse screaming everytime someone blows a vuvuzuela at you, legit penalties would be more likely to be called. That was a clear penalty, if not a red. I'm just shocked that a ref missed a call.
29:30 - You want a sign that the refs suck? Kaká is, I think, the most carded player in the Cup so far. He just oozes nice, doesn't he?
32:00 - I'm really hoping for a Chile goal to really turn this one on. Like Iron Man 2, I was hoping for more. Unlike Iron Man 2, there's been no Scarlet Johannson to distract me.
34:30 - Brazil scores on a corner, with more than a whiff of inevitability. Edson Buddle, take notes.
36:30 - Luis Fabiano tries a backheel that is a) unwarranted and b) a humiliating failure. It was like me trying to pick up a woman at a bar.
39:00 - Chile has a great comeback to pull one back, until they decide to shoot at the corner flag instead of the goal.
43:00 - While they screw with the ball, I'll list my players in the tournament I'd least want to meet in a dark alley:
- Lucio - He always looks angry and on the verge of going into a bezerker rage.
- Rafa Marquez - He's insane and has a history of jackassery
- Michael Bradley - Also looks insane most of the time BUT he managed to not get carded. He just seems like the kind of guy who's always intense. Imagine him flossing!
Players I'd be least worried about meeting in a dark alley:
- Anyone from France - Need I say more?
- Messi - He seems like he'd apologize for bumping into you
- Gareth Barry - He ran like a gimpy sloth on the Özil goal