Monday, August 16, 2010

Live Blogging - The Wizard of Oz Part 2

I'm back and ready to take all Glinda can throw at me! Will the Fab 4 meet the wizard? Will the Wicked Witch do anything other than stalk Dorothy and throw magical Molotov cocktails at the scarecrow? Will I realize there's no suspense in a movie that's 70 years old?

58:00 - Say what you will about the Wizard, but his city has polite, helpful and omnipresent cabbies. Though why does the horse switch from white to purple? Is that a movie or a DVD issue? Or is that what makes it "a different color"?

58:30 - Ok, it's gone to red and yellow, so it wasn't a mistake. That's gotta make it a bitch to find your horse in the stable, though.

58:45 - Oz is clearly starved for tourists to give a group of 4 the city-wide song-and-dance routine. This is like watching Kruschev visit Bucharest.

1:00:00 - The Witch is kind of a buzz kill, isn't she? I wonder if her last name is Kusyk? You have to give it to her for going with "Surrender Dorothy" instead of just "Die, Bitch".

1:02:00 - This whole song by the Lion seems more like a deleted scene than the real thing. I like the grass & flower cape, though.

1:04:00 - "What makes a king out of a slave?" I'd say a shiny hat and a big-ass army. Apparently, though, it's courage.

1:06:00 - The scene of the 4 walking down the hall is pretty fing cool. The Lion almost wetting himself kind of ruins it.

1:07:30 - Oz is pretty bad-ass, I have to admit. And he clearly has been a huge influence of the whole theory of job interviews -- making them wait, giving them much weaker positions, asking questions for which there are no right answers.

1:09:30 - Let me get this straight -- the "great and powerful" Oz needs a teenage girl to go off a rival and steal her broom?

1:10:15 - Where did Tin Man get the wrench? And the Scarecrow has a gun? And a net and "Witch Repellent"? At least we know where the Batman TV show got its ideas.

1:11:45 - They really should have played "Flight of the Valkyries" as the flying monkeys flew off. They deserve it, right? And is it just me, or do they look kind of bummed out to be sent on such a lame mission?

1:12:30 - The big question is, how did she break them of the feces-throwing habit? No matter, they get shit DONE.

1:14:00 - Toto coming out of the basket just emphasizes that he started the whole dog-as-fashion-accessory trend. I hope the Witch gets him.

1:16:00 - Mocking a crying Dorothy? Some say this is over the top, but the Witch sticks to her evil guns. I like it. But Dorothy should've listened to Gandalf and not looked in the palantir.

1:16:30 - "Is Dorothy at the old mill?" I never realized that Toto was Lassie before Lassie.

1:18:30 - The Witch has done a great job of training her guards to march and sing, but maybe she should've drilled them a bit more on what the shiny, pointy end of the sticks are for. The idiots throw theirs away before jumping on the 3 Stooges.

1:20:00 - Just a bit of "Night on Bald Mountain". That's some sweet tuneage.

1:22:45 - "How about a little fire, Scarecrow?" This is such an underrated line. Feel free to throw it out there when you buy a shot for someone. Especially if they've recently engaged in stumbulatory antics.

1:23:00 - A few substances that I do NOT keep in buckets around the house:

  • Phosphorous
  • Boric acid
  • Plutonium
  • Lye
On an unrelated note, the Witch apparently keeps buckets of water in her castle when even a small splash is enough to melt her. Dorothy is really leaving a trail of bodies in her wake, isn't she? I guess she's a serial manslaughtereress*

1:25:00 - "You've had plenty of time to think about it" -- what is the time frame of the movie, anyway? A week? A month?

1:25:10 - "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!"** I like to say this whenever I set off the alarms at airport security. They never get the reference, though. And does this mean that the doorman is really the Wizard, or were they just saving money on actors?

1:26:00 - What the hell is going on with the Wizard, anyway? Who built the contraptions? And how did he get his job?

1:27:30 - "Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable" -- that would make a good t-shirt.

1:29:00 - How old is the Wizard? He refers to Kansas as "The Western Wilderness".

1:29:45 - What were the people of Oz smoking to name him "Oz, the First Wizard Deluxe"?

1:31:45 - "But this could never be like Kansas." Really? Was it the magic, the colors, or the lack of a Great Depression that tipped you off?

1:32:30 - Ugh. Glinda shows up when there's a power vacuum -- big surprise. And why does Dorothy think Glinda can help her now, when the last time she admitted to being useless?

1:32:45 - Oh, right. Because Glinda is a lying bitch. "You have to learn it for yourself." What kind of crap magic are these shoes? And that's a great lesson -- you should never look for anything outside your neighborhood. Helllloooooo, isolationism!

1:33:30 - Of course, the real issue is that the Wizard is gone and Glinda needs to get rid of the hardass who just offed the "Wicked" Witches of the East and West.

1:36:45 - "Does anyone believe me?" "Of course we believe you" -- I'm pretty sure he was dialing for the padded wagon as he said this.

So? The verdict? I'd have to give it:

Sure, it's corny, overwhelmed with song/dance, but it's entertaining, hilarious, and the flying monkeys still rock.

* Witchslaughteress?
** Frank Morgan is great and all, but WC Fields would've been AWESOME as the Wizard.

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