Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Did Lack Of Spandex Cause My Ankle Injury?

I went in for my post-surgery checkup last week. This involved changing the bandages, poking at the stitches to make sure they were incredibly sensitive*, and updating me on the prognosis. Being a nerd with illusions of athleticism, I asked when I could play sports again. Dr. Helpful Surgeon said, "You shouldn't play football** or frisbee again, or this could recur. You should try another sport -- like swimming, cycling or skating. If football is a religion for you, you can keep playing, but I wouldn't."

My response:

  • WTF?
  • Wait, no ultimate?
  • Seriously, WTF?
  • Why is it that all the sports he recommends seem to require being clad only in spandex***? Did he forget to mention jazzercise?

Fortunately, my regular orthopaedist was back this week, and he said I could return to playing normally later this year, as long as I get in shape first. Apparently, I'm now what doctors call "old" and I need to "accept" this and "stop thinking I'm in my 20s". The hot nurse added that I should "stop thinking I could date women in their 20s", but I think she was kidding.
* Sweet Jebus, were they ever.
** Soccer. I'm not so homesick that I would consider playing tackle football. I'm still not a fan of pain.
*** Especially in Germany. Germans LOVE wearing full-body spandex outfits to go biking or skating.

No comments: