Acceptable Status Updates:
- Had all that once, for 3 weeks, back in the 80s
- Hopes there was enough shark meat in the refrigerator for one of your sandwiches
- Hasn't spoken to Joe Namath since that Mardi Gras
- Knows how much you like clearly-marked fire exits
- Is pissed they made his droids wait outside*
- 's heart is pounding like he's watching Oprah's farewell season
- Got hit by a bird on a roller coaster
- Has that weekend style
- Took the money he was saving for a honeymoon and bought a cemetery plot
- Likes his tampons to be cold
- Likes how you don't have one weird little tooth
- Got to first base, which is what he considers sex with a stranger
- Is a weekend woman
* OK, I took some liberties here.
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