Friday, March 18, 2011

2011 NCAAs, Day 2 Live Blogging -- Part 1

So, it's been a year, and now it's time again for March Madness live blogging! Why am I starting on Day 2? Blame that annoying St. Patrick -- last night was the 1st Düsseldorf All-Irish Pub Crawl. And a warning, this isn't short!

5:45 - So, apparently the UT game is either on the world's largest TV timeout, OR the NCAAs have really upped the ante in selling out. I've been trying to watch for 2 minutes and nothing but ads. At least there's no douche-y UPS ads so far!

5:47 - Marrrrv! I still can't hear his voice without thinking of his sexual issues in the 90s. Lawrence Taylor in a dress. heh.

5:49 - I'm going to assume Al Davis is the Oakland AD. Just win, baby! In fact, I like to think of Davis running any business, team or organization in Oakland. Try it, it's fun!

5:49 - Marv going on about how great the games were yesterday is kind of a bummer. No doubt the games today are going to suck.

5:53 - Aaaaannnnndddd... a commercial. Dodge is dogging some car company for online test drives? Is this an issue? Every year I'm gone I get a little more out of touch with the idiotic ads.

5:55 - How did Cap One manage to take one of the best comic actors of my lifetime and not make him funny in an ad? Jack Donaghy definitely did not Reagan that day.

5:57 - These Rogaine ads are not nearly as funny as they used to be. Stupid fing X chromosome.

6:03 - Something I don't miss about the USA? The fing Masters. I couldn't be less interested. I am, however, looking forward to making Tiger jokes.

6:09 - One thing you NEVER see in an NBA game -- 1v1 pressure in the backcourt to cause a turnover. How do you become a point guard at a Div 1 school if you have a bad handle?

6:13 - I hope these rims are high quality, because the bricks Michigan's tossing up might break ordinary hoops.

6:22 - This live blog brought to you by Efes pilsner -- the taste of Istanbul!

6:24 - And, once again, there are technical problems. The NCAA should probably rethink having their interns run the website.

6:28 - Another thing you don't see in the NBA -- UofM is one guy short of a whitewash. The last time 4 white guys were on the floor for the same team in a close game was 1986. Thankfully, this time they're not wearing nuthugger shorts. Yeesh. But it's working -- they were about to get taken behind the woodshed and now they're up 3.

6:36 - So, they replaced Women's Haircut Guy with Gino fing Auriemma? Is UPS trying to goad me into beating the crap out of a driver or something? I guess they couldn't get Col. Qaddafi to do a commercial.

7:10 - I tried to watch obama's speech, but no dice. Oh well. I'm back after a tasty Dr. Oetker pizza!

7:15 - Do chubby coaches not know that the sweater vest makes them look even worse? They should've retired that look with Bobby Knight. Or at least require constant obscenities from the guys wearing them.

7:18 - Doh! Oakland's 3 to make it a 3 point game with 30 seconds left rimmed out. Game over. Sorry, sweater vest!

7:20 - Another thing you don't see in the NBA -- chubby guys. Oh, wait, Baron Davis just called to remind me that you do see this.

7:22 - Visigoth sports net? I like it. At least until Gino Auriemma showed up. What a tool.

7:24 - The Bud Light non-3D commercial is pretty sweet.

7:30 - Ugh. Jim Nantz and Clark Kellogg are like a bowl of plain grits -- bland but competent. I miss Billy Packer. Every announcing team needs a blowhard jackhole. And, yes, I am offering my services.

7:33 - I would definitely pay extra to have the Dodgeball announcers or the guys from SNL's bowling skits do the announcing for the NCAA. Like a director's commentary for games.

7:40 - Timeout Michigan. Do you think when Webber dies (hopefully far in the future) that Michigan will honor him by taking a timeout when they don't have any left? Or will the players take cash from a booster at a halftime service?

7:42 - Do you think Marv grooms his toupeé during timeouts? I'm betting YES! (And it counts)

8:00 - In case you're wondering, I did NOT enter any pools this year, which is good. I'm not sure I could've done a worse job of picking my bracket. Of the 16 games yesterday, I got less than half right, and 5 of my Sweet 16 picks are already out. Paul the octopus could've beaten me -- and he's dead.

And with that, the games are blowouts, so I'm off.

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