Acceptable Status Updates:
- is doing God's work -- yesterday he kicked two naked people out of a garden
- is going on a forced hiatus
- is power wagging
- 's Plan B is something with vampires -- everything has vampires
- is, pardon his French, bonjour
- senses something, a presence he hasn't felt since...
- 's cheekbones are like granite
- thinks licking an envelope is a sin -- unless you're married to it
UNacceptable Status Updates:
- click-click-click -- that's right, JT just put you in your place in African
- is an oxymoron, like liberal government, female scientists or Princeton football
- is watching Gay SportsCenter
- is a gay shark
- is on LinkedIn -- he might as well be dead
- wonders why no one will poke him -- he's cool
- married a shiny black dancer named Cashmere and mixed our sperm together so we wouldn't know whose baby was whose
- is exploding -- and not in a good way
- is a straight shooter -- except at the urinal
- charges $5,000 for kissing, $10,000 for snuggling -- end of list
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