Acceptable Status Updates:
- is going to call tomorrow -- it's my lizard's birthday
- has a backup to his backup
- is attending New York Pizza Academy
- just defeated Moammar Gaddafi in arm wrestling -- by the transitive property
- is actually an 11
- is pretending to be his own wax figure at Madame Tussauds*
- has a refrigerator just for sodas
UNacceptable Status Updates:
- is like Cagney & Lacey -- without the slutty clothes
- is bringing the world's greatest encyclopedia -- his mind
- ate a swordfish steak at a strip club
- grabbed a cop's gun & shot a blimp
- never thought he would feel sorry for a guy with a tattoo of a leprechaun vomiting on a book
- wore a penis hat to Princess Di's funeral
- is going to attack the Lincoln Memorial with a hammer
* I had to google the spelling and was shocked to find out there's no apostrophe
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