To help you better understand why I can't keep a girlfriend, here are some random thoughts inspired by my poppy cake*:
- I like to imagine that the cafe I'm in is actually a Victorian opium den. Of course, this means I try to think of my waiter (or waitress!) as having a Fu Manchu mustache. It really adds to the experience.
- I hope Mr. Peterman hasn't scheduled my drug test for tomorrow. If he has, I'm not going to get to see the Bushmen**.
- Does anyone even do opium anymore? It strikes me as the drug of choice for hipster Amish.
- I always think that Euro waitrons who claim no English are lying. Oddly enough, I'll believe it at ethnic restaurants in Dallas if the food is good enough. I figure the time they spend on great food is taken from their ESL study time.
* Not to be confused with my usual poppycock.
** Yes, that reference is nearing 15 years old. Do YOU have a better one in mind? I didn't think so.
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