Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Lost Posts: FIFA Is Warning You

So, FIFA isn't just about pissing off fans by not showing replays in the stadiums* and awarding World Cups to oil-rich nations with no compunctions or laws against bribes -- they're about safety. And as this list of items prohibited from the stadiums** shows, they leave no stone unturned. Actually the one thing they do leave off the list is stones. I guess not many Palestinian/Israeli*** kids go to World Cup matches. So, Left to Right****, Top to Bottom****, here's the list:

  • No Weapons, including nunchuks. Don't want any ninjas starting shit at games!
  • No Pyrotechnics. Though Germans have FIVE different variations of fireworks.
  • No Gas aerosols. Other aerosols are apparently ok.
  • No Paper rolls. I have to say, it looks like toilet paper. God forbid people bring their own.
  • No Glassware or bottles. Though Germans aren't allowed to bring cans. Suckers.
  • No face coverings. Do you think they intentionally made the person look more like a ninja than someone in a burqa?
  • No banners. Well, no big ones.
  • No animals. Also no exceptions for seeing eye dogs. The blind -- another group for Sepp to give the finger to.
  • No mechanical/electric devices to make noise. Also, vuvuzuelas.
  • No umbrellas. "FIFA Women's World Cup 2011 -- Let's All Get Wet Together!" Probably not their slogan of choice.
  • No cameras for commercial purposes. FIFA will let this one slide, unless they think they can get a cut.
* or even in the stadia
** ditto
*** sure it's racist, but who else throws rocks?
**** I feel that randomly capitalizing words is helping me with my German

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