Saturday, March 03, 2012

Get It Together, Drinkify

Someone had the brilliant/insane idea to mix Spotify with a drink catalog. Type in a band name, it gives you a drink "appropriate" for the music. Sadly, it seems to be based on names, not music or the artists' personalities. Some examples:
  • Snoop Dogg - "The Snoop Dogg" (10 oz. each gin, wheatgrass juice, lemon juice) -- Nice call!
  • Amy Winehouse - "The Amy Winehouse" (1 bottle cabernet) -- Good call, if you make it a case instead of a bottle
  • Rolling Stones - "The Rolling Stones" (10 oz. rum with a garnish of cocktail onions) -- Not really going to give you the satisfaction you need
  • U2 - "The U2" (10 oz. vodka with a garnish of nutmeg) -- TEN ounces? Really? EIGHT shots? For the Stones, sure, but U2?
  • Whitney Houston - "The Whitney Houston" (4 oz. vodka with a garnish of cocktail onions) -- Whitney gets less than half the booze that Bono does?
  • Michael Jackson - "The Michael Jackson" (8 oz. Red Bull with a garnish of nutmeg*) -- no booze, so he can share it with his date?
  • Toby Keith - "The Toby Keith" (8 oz. Maker's Mark with a garnish of shrimp) -- Shrimp? Pork Rinds, I could understand, but shrimp?
  • Meatloaf - "The Meatloaf" (8 oz. each bourbon and cough syrup**, 10 oz. wheatgrass -- stir quickly) -- probably the only veggies Meatloaf will have this month
  • Nickelback - "The Nickelback" (2 oz. each Rip Van Winkle bourbon, worcestershire sauce, 10 oz. Laphroig scotch with a garnish of nutmeg) -- seriously? More nutmeg? I do think the top-shelf brands are appropriate in a drink you won't be able to appreciate either.

But JTinGermany is nothing if not helpful***, so here are my suggestions for the less-than-satisfying

  • Snoop Dogg - "The Snoop Dogg" -- No change needed, except you should drink it out of a paper bag
  • Amy Winehouse - "The Amy Winehouse" -- Again, just a matter of quantity
  • Rolling Stones - "The Rolling Stones" (Vodka, rum, and gin with lime juice and plenty of brown sugar) -- Lots of booze and it tastes so good
  • U2 - "The U2" (A shot of St. Brendan's dropped into a pint of Guinness. Drink it in one go!) -- We're taking back the Irish Car Bomb for a more peaceful world. I would also accept a Bloody Sunday -- tequila in a Bloody Mary
  • Whitney Houston - "The Whitney Houston" (4 oz. of the most expensive gin available, lime wedge and a dash of tonic water, garnish with mint/celery dipped in powdered sugar) -- The mint should garnish one's nose with sugar and the drinker should constantly complain that the drink isn't strong enough****
  • Michael Jackson - "The Michael Jackson" (Kool-Aid and rohypnol) -- Also known as a Father Murphy*****
  • Toby Keith - "The Toby Keith" (Domestic American macrobrew, Coors Light or cheaper, in a Red Solo Cup) -- Feel free to spread the rumor that you came up with this drink on your own
  • Meatloaf - "The Meatloaf" (Large Chocolate Fudge Brownie milkshake with 2 shots of vodka, garnish with a donut) -- Also known as the Breakfast of Champions******
  • Nickelback - "The Nickelback" (5 oz. white vinegar, 5 oz. Fiji water, dash of lemon juice, garnish with bottled oxygen and serve in a striped shirt) -- God, I hate these guys

* What's the obsession with nutmeg?
** Sounds like Meatloaf was trying to make a Flaming Homer
*** So, I guess it's nothing
**** Too soon?
***** Taking this drink off the menu is called a Pope Benedict
****** I have this feeling Meatloaf is sober, but googling's a lot of work

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