It's late this week because I was trying to give a friend a bachelor party that didn't involve hot women with no other marketable job skills, alcohol-induced vomiting, or travel. I originally proposed that we all watch 30 Rock and make note of the jokes that could be Facebook status updates, but the guys felt that this fell short of maximizing our fun. So, you know, it's their fault it's late. I also blame the communists*.
- is tired, because nunchuk-ing can wear a guy out
- is in cryogenic hibernation, waiting for 2016
- is busy burning down a Panda Express he fell in love with
- is building to the big breakdown -- like C&C Music Factory
- sent from one of my 4 iPads
- is selling discomfort
- life is happening!
- wants you to do your housework, you little crackers
- has never been with a man before
- is making coffee my bitch
- can see the veins behind my eyes
- sent this via Twitter, a media-savvy crackhead I know
- is being soooo trans-vaginal right now
* Or, if you're a Rush Limbaugh listener**, "Democrats"
** Or, if you're NOT a Rush Limbaugh listener, "dipshits"***
*** Isn't the current state of political discourse in America awesome? We've basically reached a cowardly version of Jacksonian politics -- name-calling without fear of being called out for a duel.