Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Top 5 Luis Suarez Hollywood Roles

Everyone knows he can act -- he's had a long-standing role as Gunshot Victim #1 while playing for Liverpool.  But for the second time in 14 months (and third time in his career), he's bitten an opposing player.  Obviously, this is horrible behavior.  But could it presage a career in acting on the small or large screen?  Here are some choice roles*:

  1. Zombie on "The Walking Dead" -- a good start for him, definitely in his wheelhouse. Or a cannibal human
  2. The titular star in the soccer vampire movie, "Suck It Like Suarez"
  3. The Beaver, a new villain for Batman and Superman to tackle -- he can bite through anything! **
  4. Bugs Bunny in a live action Looney Tunes movie. Clearly, they'd need to keep him away from Elmer Fudd
  5. A copycat killer on "Hannibal"

* Some he could really sink his teeth into
** Or Matter-Eater Lad in a horrible Legion of Super Heroes movie

Friday, June 20, 2014

The CIA -- When Asinine Isn't Enough

You have to give it to the CIA -- they're apparently such huge fans of The Onion that they are trying to write stories for them. The latest idiocy to come to light? Their secret plan to turn Muslim kids against Osama bin Laden with... toys.  Seriously. They wanted to use action figures of the al Qaeda leader that had face paint that would wear off to make him appear like a demon. Or Darth Maul. It's not really clear. The toys before and after (photo from the Washington Post -- all rights are theirs):

Fortunately for our national pride, this moronic scheme never went live, and only a few hundred of the toys were made.

It's really a shame that the CIA is wasting time and money on this (and who knows what other) bullshit and not actually, you know, gathering intelligence. Or displaying it.