Friday, June 29, 2012

Nice Try, Spammy

I received this email from "":
Dear Customer,

ELECTRONIC TICKET NUMBER / 3 722 2429288243 3
DATE / TIME 09 JULY, 2012, 10:51 PM
ARRIVING / Fort Worth
REF / EK4690 ST / OK

Your bought ticket is attached.
You can print your ticket.

Thank you
Delta Air Lines.

There was, of course, an attachment. I have a few critiques for the spammer who tried to get me:
* I'm allowed to be first world-arrogant towards spammers
  1. Airline tickets usually involve both a departure and a destination.  At least in the first world*.
  2. There is no "Fort Worth" as an airport
  3.  Airline emails are wordier than this
  4. No one in the USA would say "bought ticket"
  5. "Delta Air Lines" is a) two words and b) not a sentence needing a period
Otherwise, excellent try!  You keep trying, Spammy!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Kudos to Ukraine!

Ukraine decided (in November 2011) to stop killing stray dogs and instead would put them in shelters. Personally, I think this is one of the good side effects of a major sporting event -- cosmetic changes to appease foreign rights groups. Of course, usually all those changes disappear after the fans go home, but the chance that there might be lingering, permanent change is a one of the few positives to hosting a major tournament*.  Usually it's just billions into corrupt investments in stadia and public works that aren't really needed**.

So, rather than be outraged that Ukraine WAS killing these animals, shouldn't activists in the wealthy West (the average GROSS salary in 2011 was under $4000) applaud them for the changes -- AND then send money to continue funding the shelters?

* Unless you're a pimp 
** How's that Cube Swim Arena, Beijing?

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Soccer Fans "Too Busy" to Visit Prostitutes

Ukrainian Interior Ministry official Oleh Matveitsov apparently sees this scenario recurring often during the EM 2012

Fan 1:  I sure could go for a prostitute, what do you think?
Fan 2:  Are you crazy?  We don't have enough time!  We have lots of beer to drink and football to watch!
Fan 1:  Good point.  I had forgotten that I only have time for 2 activities while in (the) Ukraine!
Fan 2:  I can't imagine anyone would have time, with two 90-minute games per day to watch.  The remaining 21 hours will need to be filled with beer!
Fan 1:  That's right!  The Prime Minister promised that the women would take off their clothes when it warmed up, but I'm too busy to notice!

So, you can see, denying the problem exists is the best solution. The next-best solution is, of course, ignoring the problem. After all, it mostly affects young, poor women, and they're not really important*.  And everyone knows that underage prostitutes are the culprits, not the victims**.

You stay classy, Ukrainian government officials!

* For those of you unfamiliar with my blog, this is sarcasm.
** Seriously, read the article.  Ugh.

Italy Criticizes Spain for Unfair Bailout

Rome (BS) Italian Prime Minister Mario Monti angrily reacted to the $100 billion euro "backstop" of Spanish banks by saying, "This is completely irresponsible. We Italians have worked hard to have the most incompetent economy among the large European states, and now the Eurogroup has given that title to Spain. We will do whatever it takes, including bringing Berlusconi back, to regain the title. As we speak we are lifting all capital requirements for our banks. As soon as we finish paying off the referee in today's match against Spain, we will get back to the important business of doing nothing at all. Wait, please don't quote me on that referee bit. If he sees this in print, he will double his price. Negotiating has been hell since our most recent scandal broke."

Saturday, June 09, 2012

Euro 2012 Live Blogging - Denmark Netherlands

Here we are! In a contest of faceless scandinavians vs dirty, cheating MFers (GFY, De Jong). Which of the DDs* do I cheer for? Duh. Go Denmark!

0:12 - The Dutch showcase their "Total Football" by immediately letting their keeper play with the ball.
0:45 - De Jong wastes no time in getting warmed up, with his first foul. No chance of injury, though, so it seems like his focus is off.
10:12 - For those of you that are curious, the Dutch ditched their ugly light blue socks from the World Cup. I assume it's because opponents' blood showed up too clearly.
15:00 - The Danish** seem content to just let the dutch do their version of Spain's tika-taka and occasionally counter.
22:45 - The Danish players are complaining to the ref, and the Dutch coach looks resigned to the fact that his players are about to do something shady. Or maybe he's just worried about the survival prospects of the Euro.
23:30 - But not before Danish #9 blows past 3 Danish defenders and goes 5-hole*** on the Dutch keeper. Goooooooaallllllllllll!
28:30 - I thought the Danish were just defending before, but now the box looks like a clown car.
32:30 - I can't tell if the orange paint the Dutch fans are wearing has gotten into their eyes, or if they're just baked. Thoughts?
34:30 - I don't think the Dutch spent much time in practice on getting the ball from the defense to the offense. They're just hitting it into space, and then the offensive players don't move.
35:30 - And I don't think the Danish keeper practiced his passing, either. He was about 1 inch of post away from paying for that lazy pass.
37:30 - Robben spends more time with one arm in the air than an actor in a deodorant commercial****
45:30 - The players have clearly stopped playing, so the ref doesn't bother with the final 30 seconds of stoppage time.  I don't blame him.
* Dutch-Danish. Get your head out of the gutter.
** Try to get this out of your head. Hint: Try humming this instead.
*** Hockey term!
**** You thought I was going to make a Nazi joke, didn't you?

Saturday, June 02, 2012

Istanbul 2012 -- Food

One of my favorite parts of traveling is the food. And Istanbul did not disappoint. From döner and fish sandwiches on the streets to ornate Ottoman meals, it was all good. The highlights:
  • The aforementioned street food, especially the fish sandwiches
  • Sofyali 9, a great meyhane (tavern) where we had a huge number of mezze (basically, Turkish tapas) and a mixed grill.  Kudos to Jason for getting, and holding, a table for 9
  • The exquisite food at Asitane, which was well worth the haul out to the city walls (half the photos are from there)
  • The turkish white wine and raki -- I wasn't a fan until I was on my second or third glass of milky-white goodness. And Efes?  Not a bad pilsner.
So, enjoy the photos and don't hold your breath for more posts!