Tuesday, November 28, 2006

More Bild Fun!

The top reads,"Yes, your ass is fat" and the lower one is "Yes, my breasts are fake." Which is especially funny since fake breasts are extremely rare here. Or so it seems, coming from Texas...

Ok, So I Lied

This is the first of a series of ads for Bild, which is a tabloid (but that's ok, since they can show breasts). The tagline is along the lines of "Bild, every issue brings something to talk about." This ad's text reads "Mom, you can't cook."
Not a Thousand Words...

Due to hard drive issues, I won't be posting any new pictures for a few weeks. however, eventually I'll be able to show you Amsterdam's Christmas parade, complete with Santa's helpers (in blackface!).

Monday, November 20, 2006

What Would JT Read?

Isn't fully accurate. This is about what I've read recently that may, or may not, be of interest.

"A Long Walk Down" by Nick Hornby -- For a book about 4 people who want to kill themselves, this is pretty hilarious. There are twists and turns, and Hornby avoids the easy, sappy ending, but a great read. It's uplifting, but don't let that stop you from reading. Plus, short chapters = quick read!

"1491" by Charles C. Mann -- Do you have to put quotes around a title that's just a number? A great, quick read about the Americas before Chris "Are You Sure This Isn't India" Columbus and the other psychotics showed up. From how the continents were originally populated (hint: it wasn't an Ice Bridge) to the Amazon as the world's largest garden to a FIFTH of the world's humans dying, it's a fascinating read. And surprisingly balanced, neither placing Indians (Native American is misleading, since ALL our ancestors immigrated there at one point) on a pedestal nor painting them as bloody savages.

"The Coming Plague" by Laurie Garrett -- A hypochondriac's nightmare. Non-fic about diseases in the 20th century, from Ebola to Lassa to AIDS and more. The moral of the story is don't live near mice or rats -- the filthy bastards are tiny reservoirs of disease (kind of like children that go to daycare). The AIDS chapters were especially interesting, as I had hazy memories of the panic at the time.

"It's Superman" by Tom De Haven -- Superman's story, set in the 30's, is very good. If you liked Kavalier and Clay, you'll like this. It's less about Superman (near the bottom of the superhero barrel for me) and more about the times.

That's probably it for a month or so, since I just started "Quicksilver" by Neal Stephenson, and while it's very good, it's 900 pages and not fast reading. So, go, read his "Snow Crash" while you wait for my report.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Grade J Wine: Prison and (Non-Catholic) Schools

Why hasn't the government come up with a rating system for wine yet? Grade A, B, C -- this would be great. "If it works for meat, it works with booze" -- Winston Churchill. If we're going to have spend billions of dollars on crap with our taxes, can't we at least be sure to get good wine for our money?

I bring this up because if you're cooking a recipe at 10pm, forgot to get white wine, and the grocery store has closed, you're screwed in The Dorf. First I go to the corner "Drink Hall" -- closed. How do you close a booze store before 10 on a Friday when there are adult video stores within 3 blocks? Because I'm pretty sure their customers don't shop early. So, bewildered, I went to the kiosk near the train station, which I knew was open since German law requires 50% of passengers to drink. Apparently their wines are from Sonny and Fredo Gallo -- violently, stupidly bad. On the bright side, it was expensive. But at least I now have dry white wine for my soup!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Joe Don Baker is ... Mittens

I've been a bit recalcitrant in blogging, and lest you think it's because of work, women or anything else, it's because I'm lazy. To tide you over, here are some quotes from "Mitchell", possibly the best of the MST3000's. It stars Joe Don Baker as a drunk, shiftless cop in the 70s.

Mitchell: "You want something to drink? what do you got? beer, vodka, beer. do you like 'em half empty? some of 'em got cigarettes in them."

In reference to Mitchell's hooker (only in the 70s!): "She was going to smell like beer sooner or later."

Mitchell, when watching his drink being poured: "Keep it coming, i'm a big boy"
Mitchell, on what to drink: "Scotch -- i usually take it with a ding dong in it, but ok"
... "i like to top off my beer drinking with another beer -- it's like dessert."
... "Booze and i are buying a house together..."