Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Behold, The Shark Jesus

"But through the analysis “it was pretty clear that there was no male contribution,” said Mahmood S. Shivji, director of the Guy Harvey Research Institute and author of a paper on the finding being published online today by the journal Biology Letters."

And verily, a savior was born unto them. From the union of the Waterly Mother and the Cartilaginous Father, there came a Son to save them. And he turned the 2 surfers into a horde of obese, flailing dog-paddlers...

I think it's cool that God is finally coming through for the lowly sharks...

Monday, May 21, 2007

Bruges Photos

This is a first -- photos online within 27 hours of returning home!

Huge in Brugge

Check out that tiny waist! Those huge biceps! I'm f*&^ing ripped! I would've worn my underarmour, but Casey stole it before I left.

So Quaint, So Brugge

Brugge is like Venice, only smaller, with better beer, and with a vaguely competent (i.e. non-Italian) workforce. Apparently the key to a medieval town is a medieval economy that went to sh!t about 20 yrs before the oldest desired building.
Viewscreen Squinters

Squinter [noun]

1. one who squints
2. a person (usually female) that looks better from afar (while squinting) than from close distance. Derogatory in its use.

When I used a film camera, crappy pictures were part of the deal. Take the shots, then a month or two later, get a few good prints. Now, with the magic of the viewscreen, i delete immediately all blurry or generally crappy photos. But I still get some disappointments -- viewscreen squinters. sure, it looks good in a 2inch screen, but blown up to 4x6, it just... blows. oh well.

This post brought to you by the slow upload speed of my camera/computer.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

An Open Letter to Spammers

If any of you know someone who sends spam, please pass along this message.

Dear Spammaster,

Before you send out your next spam, please take the time to make a grammar and spell check. If this is too hard, at least check the subject. This is your chance to snare me! Don't blow it! For instance, today I received an email with this subject:


First, adding ".00" makes it immediately sketchy. If I win money, I don't care how many cents there are -- only the dollars count.

Second, it should read "RESPOND". This is just shoddy work. I know that creating spam is an emotionally draining creative endeavor, but all that hard work is wasted unless you go the extra mile. I WANT to believe that I won the money! I WANT that sense of anticipation between giving you my bank account number (1234567890, by the way) and seeing a balance of $0.00 (cents are important in that case)! But YOU have to make it work for me. I'm not asking much, and I'm offering so much.

Disappointed Patsie

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

InBev Stock Skyrockets on German Market Outlook

(BS) Brussels, Belgium - International beverage conglomerate InBev, brewer of Bass Ale, Pilsner Urquell and other beers, announced that stronger than expected sales in the German market are expected to lift 2nd Quarter revenues. "Western Germany has seen a large growth in sales in the last week. While we're not sure why, it has been significant enough that we felt the need to adjust our earnings expectations for Q2. Our analysis of the trend indicates that it may last well into the 3rd quarter," said Dirk DeKroonk, CFO (Chief Frothiness Officer).

He admitted that the roots of the shift have eluded the company, "There was a major spike on Saturday, but this level dipped only slightly through midweek. The obvious legs of the trend exceed the normal May stag party, Champion's League Final, FA Cup Final, etc. that we've come to expect from this market. Clearly this is an unprecedented event. Originally we thought it might be the aftermath of the Nowitzki tank-job in the NBA playoffs, but Germans have never shown the ability to care about basketball for consecutive days."

Analysts, however, feel that this is a sign of poor market research. "This is worrying on two levels. First, InBev was suprised by extremely strong Czech Republic sales in March, and now they cannot explain this event. This is indicative of a large-scale shift in German drinking habits, possibly as a result of labor worries," said Seth Bullseetmon, Piper Jaffrey senior beverage analyst. "I have to rate InBev a hold on a macro-economic level and a buy on a micro-economic level -- especially at McLaughlin's on Two-For-One Thursdays."

Saturday, May 12, 2007

C'mon, Be Honest

Do you really have a fast car? Can you and I really see what it's like to be living? I'm just asking, 'cause, you know.

This post brought to you by Tracy Chapman & iTunes. All the music you have. Bi-atch.

ps will I really get work and you get promoted? Because that seems a bit unbelievable.
I Am Sooooooo Proud to Be American
[Copied and pasted part of article]
The early start to daylight-saving time has hurt ratings. Prime-time viewership traditionally dips then as people do more things outside, and this year folks had a three-week head start. More network reruns during March and April dampened interest, too.

"We let them get out of the habit of watching television a little bit, and it's going to take some time to get these people back in front of their television sets," said David Poltrack, chief researcher for CBS (owned by CBS Corp.).

Goddammit! Let's haul ass, people! People are moving away from their TV's!

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Does He Really Do Whatever a Spider Can?

Oh yeah. Spidey kicks some major ass, but he also gets his handed to him a few times. When you're against Sandman, Venom and Goblin, Jr., you're going to have a rough time of it. It is long (> 2.5 hrs), but it doesn't feel like it until the end. I don't want to spoil it (contrary to rumors, Aunt May doesn't marry Sandman), but it was goooood. A bit cheesy at times, but good overall. i wasn't sure they could give all 3 bad guys time, but each is really well developed & grows a lot as a character. Spidey himself is kind of a jerk for most of the movie, though.

It was nice to finally get a big movie here BEFORE the us has it :)