Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Barack Bedazzles Bild!!

Bild is a German newspaper somewhere between "The New York Post" and "The National Enquirer" -- but with breasts (God bless German journalism!). So they naturally sent (at least) one reporter to the gym at Obama's hotel. She just happened to be there when he was working out, and here are some of her reports:

"Obama (with toned arms and a strong back) puts on his headphones for his iPod to listen to pop music. He hums quietly. Then he jumps on a fitness bike. He pushes three times on the pedals -- but then can't be bothered with it."

"He picks up a pair of 16 kilo weights and starts curling them with his left and right arms, 30 repetitions on each side. Then, amazingly, he picks up the 32 kilo weights! Very slowly he lifts them, first 10 curls with his right, then 10 with his left.

Quickly I ask: "Mr. Obama, could I take a photo?". "Of course!" he answers, before asking my name and coming over to stand next to me. "My name's Judith" I reply. "I'm Barack Obama, nice to meet you!" he says, and puts his arm across my shoulder. I put my arm around his hip -- wow, he didn't even sweat! WHAT A MAN!"

um, I think that you need to take some deep breaths and learn to translate "restraining order" into German.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Thank God Beer Is Cheap Here

Less than a year after Citi shelled out $28 million to fire its CEO, they one up themselves, spending an astonishing $42 MILLION to fire the former head of the investment bank, Michael Klein. Remember, this is the genius behind over $30 BILLION dollars in writeoffs in the last year. The best part? Of this, $28 million is expressly to prevent him from working for the competition. Did the Knicks pay Isaiah Thomas extra to not work for another NBA team? No. Most businesses see rampant incompetence as less than perfect for filling a résumé, but apparently this is not the case at all firms.

It's just a damn shame that this sort of thing will be idle curiosity for me as of Dec 1...

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Is It That Hard To Run An Automatic Toilet?

The NY Times recently ran an article about Seattle closing down its public automated toilets -- a fixture of the european cityscape. The toilets had become a haven for drug abusers and prostitutes (yet the DC mayor's office remains open) and so were closed down.

The best bit? The last line: “We in the U.S. have yet to shed our puritanical roots,” he said. “We are uptight about toilets.”

Not just about toilets, Sparky. Don't forget sex, marijuana, human rights, racial relations, ...

Monday, July 21, 2008

Understated Elegance

Say what you want about brutal oppression of his country and no respect for human rights, but Robert Mugabe has style. It's the style of a brain damaged, overly shiny person, but it's style.

Thursday, July 17, 2008


So, Citi announced on Friday that Credit Mutuel won the bidding with Deutsche Bank (apparently almost $8 BILLION in CASH is better than $7 billion in cash, stock and a second-round CEO pick to be named later). What does this mean? Well, first, I won't be getting my Summer of George -- no severance. They guaranteed no reductions in force for 22 months. Which is great for my job security, not so great for my plans to tour southeast asia, wear sweatpants, and play Frolf.

The good news is that since they don't have many (any?) people that do what I do (surf the net and write a snarky, barely-read blog), this could be room to grow into Eastern Europe (mmmm... hotness) or France (mmmmm... cheese-eating surrender monkeys).

I'll keep you posted. If you're in Texas and are wondering why I'm not moving back, ask yourself, "What would Jesus do if he were in a recession and had a job that guaranteed almost 2 years of work plus unsurpassed health and unemployment benefits?" Of course, Pat Robertson would answer, "I'd go beat the hell out of some gays and poor people. Jesus hates them the most." But I think Big J would enjoy Europe and save mankind a bit later. But that's just me.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Why Do I Need This?

Why, exactly, does one need a small (3 in by 3in) bag that matches my new swimsuit on one side but is mesh on the other? It's too small to store a wet swimsuit in, it's not sturdy, I just don't get it. If anyone can clue me in on this one, I'd really appreciate it.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

JT's Midyear Performance Review

I'm pretty ticked that my boss told Scott Adams the details of my performance review. Sooooo unprofessional.
Is This An Oxymoron Or Preparation?

Are they trying to say that their underwear is a prelude to being naked? Or that you'd rather be naked than be seen in this stuff?
Does One Lemur Constitute A Reunion?

Being in Prague was great, but also bittersweet. If it weren't for the price-gouging airlines, I'd have been joined by the Lemurs. Instead, I had to make do with a photo of a Lemur. On the bright side, IT didn't try to mooch beer off me :)

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Damn It Feels Good To Be a Gangster

From about 1:45 to 2:15 or so, you get highlights of Ultimate DeLux putting the smack down on some lager-swilling wankers from London. Capped by a score by yours truly. Had it not been for the guy filming, I would've spiked it on my defender -- it would've distracted him from the pain. That's just good spirit.
Mmmmm... Frenchy

So the French soccer coach has gone from World Cup runner-up to 1st round exit at the Euro 2008 championships (while only scoring 1 goal in 3 matches) and he keeps his job. According to sportsillustrated.com article, the president of the French Football Federation said:
"Domenech's record is not that bad as coach,'' he said. "It is not catastrophic. He qualified us two straight times for a major competition,''

So, going from winning the World Cup in '98 to 1 goal and no wins in 3 games is ok? This is why the French went from the dominant economic, political and military power of the 1600s to completely irrelevant on all 3 fronts in the world today. To make it worse, the decision to keep Domanech (who couldn't coach his way out of a wet paper sack) was completely supported by the French football establishment. The president of the French league said, "I back the decision taken by the president. When you are in trouble the only answer is solidarity.'' Um, no. the answer is fire the dolt and hire someone who a) can count to 11 with his fly zipped and b) would finish in the top 5 of the coaching search for my nephew's little league soccer team. Jesus, not even Jerry Jones extended Barry Switzer's contract.

The thing is, I dislike the French team. Aside from Ribery, they play ugly, cynical bullshit soccer. I just don't like seeing incompetence rewarded (I get enough of that at work).

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Probably Not Quite Ready For the G-8

From an article on reuters.com: "It pays to use a toilet in southern India, as residents are earning close to a dollar a month by using public urinals, a scheme launched by authorities to promote hygiene and research in rural areas."

"Sorry, India, but if you need to bribe people to use toilets, we've gotta say you're just not ready for the big time on the economic world stage. We appreciate your interest, but please call us back when you've got the whole public sanitation thing under control. Also, maybe work on getting rid of the plague. Until then, feel free to join our meetings as an observer."

Best of luck,
The G-8
Thou Shalt Not...

I know that churches are big on rules, but this was a bit much. I understand the rationale behind these, but is there really a big problem with people bringing their dogs into church? And is it the lack of respect or past issues with not cleaning up after pets (which does, of course, imply a lack of respect)? I gotta say, though, I'm betting Jesus would've been a big fan of ice cream.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

I Guess "Beware of the Bears" Wasn't Strong Enough

Most people would consider a) large metal spikes and b) live BEARS as deterrent enough. But the Czechs are a resilient, often drunk people, and they need immediate, visual deterrents. And apparently being impaled in the gut is just the deterrent they need -- though this also might just be to deter people from vomiting on the bears.
Citi's New Growth Strategy

Facing some staggering losses over the last year, Citigroup has been desperate to come up with a new profit-making enterprise. And I saw a preview of it in Prague:

You gotta give it to them, they know that people love their tobacco. Now, if they can just open some clinics for lung cancer patients they could really capitalize on some corporate synergies.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Prague 2008: Part 1

I took a LOT of photos this one is the "Cesky Krumlov 2008" album), so this will be broken up into a few posts & albums on Shutterfly. First up is my weekend trip to Cesky Krumlov. It's a town that looks like it's still in the Renaissance. This comes in handy during their annual Renaissance Festival, The Festival of The Five-Petaled Rose. It's the town symbol and refers to a king using it as a symbol to represent his 4 legitimate kids and one bastard (sorry, Mom, but that's what the bastard was -- a bastard). Anyway, it's the 2nd biggest tourist spot in the Czech Republic for a reason. Pretty town, a castle, lots of hiking, biking & water sports in the area -- pretty much everything a Drunken Lemur could want (yes, I'm still bitter about the reunion falling through -- I blame Satan).

I spent Saturday walking through the town and Sunday biking through the surrounding hills. It was perfect weather -- painfully sunny and in the low 80s or high 70s (suck it, Dallasites).

And to top it all off -- they had good cheap beer and a mountain of MEAT.


Since I can't sleep, I might as well get started on the post-Prague blog. The bathroom at the Citi office in Prague was bizarre. First, there's a reflector between the two stalls. I have no idea why that's there. Are they worried that drivers in oncoming cars will have trouble seeing the doors at night? What possible circumstances would make one think that a reflector is needed?

And then there's this gem. What is this telling me? Is it a guide to the proper position for Czech toilets (note the feet are NOT in a wide stance)? Is it a warning that there may be someone in the neighboring stall? I can't figure it out. Please help me!

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Reasons Why German TV Sucks #4

The most anticipated tennis match in YEARS started today at 4, Germany time. The morons at DSF decided that tape delaying it until 9 pm was the best move -- so it should finished around 2 am. What dolts. On the bright side, the douchebaggy auto racing weekly show was shown at its normal time.

I'm back from Prague and should be blogging normally this week!