Sunday, May 13, 2012

30 Rock Facebook Status Updates - Returns!

It's a light week for appropriate lines, but that's what I'm here for!

- is tired, because nunchuk-ing can wear a guy out
- thinks a wedding is a beautiful ceremony where an old man and a crying girl get pushed into the coupling shed
- knows what people don't want to talk about: soccer, jazz and infidelity

- is not killing hobos at night anymore
- sex, money, power, fire, choking, being dragged behind a speedboat -- it's all the same thing
- is still furious with Al Gore for stealing George Bush's idea to have an internet
- gets in fistfights at waterparks -- and lost his virginity to a bait saleswoman on a waterbed
- wants to throw a Natty Lite at a cop car
- has the brain of a man and the ass of a French teenager

Sunday, May 06, 2012

Whisky Tasting Dos and Don'ts

My good friend T graciously hosted another whisk(e)y* tasting last night. Having now attended 3 (2 guided, 1 not), I have some tips to share.

DO: Be the first to make the "Smells/tastes like whiskey" joke
DON'T:   Be the second/third/etc. to make the joke. Just because you're drinking doesn't mean you can steal jokes

DO: Cleanse your palate between tastings.  Bread and water are perfect.
DON'T:   Use vodka to cleanse your palate.
DO: Use appropriate glasses for the tasting
DON'T:   Use Big Gulp cups.
DO: Make appropriate age jokes, such as "Oooh, this one can legally drink itself!"
DON'T:   Make jokes along the lines of "This is the best 18 year-old I've tasted this week!" Rule of thumb: If you have to think if it's appropriate or not, it's not.
DO: Be honest about what you taste and smell
DON'TBe TOO honest. No one wants to know that this tastes exactly like what you drank the night you lost your virginity
DO Use These Adjectives to Describe the Tastes/Aromas
  • Cinnamon
  • Vanilla
  • Fruits
  • Nuts
  • Salt
  • Smoke
DON'T Use These Adjectives:   
  • Skank
  • Bodily Fluids of Any Kind, especially if asparagus is involved**
  • Homelessness
  • Uncle Freddie
  • Department Store Santa Claus
  • Turpentine/Paint Thinner (unless you're the professional leading the tasting)

In case you're wondering, my favorite whisky was:
The Balvenie Portwood 21 Year Old. Of course, at $140+ a bottle, it damn well better be good.
My favorite whiskEy (and second favorite overall) was:
The Tullamore Dew Single Malt 10 Year Old was completely different from the standard Tullamore Dew.  And at $40 a bottle, it's far more reasonably priced.  Unless you're buying a gift for the blogger of your choice, then the Balvenie is the way to go.

* Whisky is Scottish, Whiskey is Irish.  You're welcome!
** Though quoting Robert Parker, "Tastes like the urine of Satan after a hefty portion of asparagus" is always appropriate.

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Rochelle Rochelle Part 4: Taking it to Tallinn

When I left Milan, it was sunny and in the 70s (low 20s for you Celsius types). When the plane landed in Tallinn, it was raining and damn near freezing. An hour later, and the rain was snow, melting as soon as it landed. Two hours later and the snow was heavy but beginning to stick. And that's where the erotic journey began. OK, not really. But I get bored writing about weather.

What really happened was that I went on a bit of a bar crawl. Not the original intention, but it took me 4 bars (with a tasty dinner in between) before I found one that wasn't stag central. As an American woman on the walking tour said, "it was the best guy-girl ratio I've ever had." My mileage varied. Considerably.

But the national art gallery was cool, fulfilling my personal criteria: lots of good local artists I've never seen and one contemporary artist that was total crap. Of course, it wouldn't be a travel post without lots of photos!

Next Up: I learn that Latvians are sure as shit not working on Easter. Or any days vaguely close to Easter.

A Moral Quandary

While I was in Dallas, I had 10 or so CDs stolen out of my car. I'm pretty sure the thief was disappointed with his haul, as it included very little pop music. At the time I was annoyed and told myself I'd get the CDs from friends and burn them. I didn't. A few I realize now that I've been missing: "In C" on traditional Chinese instruments (see video below), Pearl Jam's Vs., a signed CD by Mike Doughty (I'm still pissed about this) and a few others. I bought all these at one point, so it's ok to download them, right? I'm going with "Yes".

Another fun tidbit -- did you know that has some listings for audio cassettes? That seems so quaint now.

Regardless of your answer, enjoy the mesmerizing tones of one of my lost tracks: