Sunday, November 23, 2014

Snowpiercer Review -- Craptacular Idiocy or Just Crap?

Sooooooo... Snowpiercer. I've heard it called a great sci-fi flick, but make no mistake, this is pure fantasy. And the worst type -- a ludicrous plot that has no rational explanation other than "we need this to happen." It's decently well-acted, but there seems to be no thought into it other than "this would be cool". Whether or not it's faithful to the original is irrelevant to me, since it's idiotic enough to make the source completely unpalatable to me.

Some thoughts/questions. Most are just snarky ways of asking WTF?

  • A train traveling around the world? Non-stop for 18 years? Riiiiiiight.
  • Wait, seriously? A train?
  • The survivors of the human race on a train don't have a single common language? And they're only white Americans, Brits or Koreans?
  • We're supposed to be horrified that "protein bars" are made of roaches? Because of all the farming/ranching they could be doing... on a train?
  • Underfed, unarmed amateurs can take down trained, armed guards?
  • In the tunnel the proletariats can't attack the glowing red lights of the night vision goggles?
  • Are shitty raves* a cause or effect of a future dystopias?
  • Hey, look, cannibalism!
  • A plane that is gradually uncovered can only be explained by melting snow? They don't have wind on the cold planet?
  • When people go outside the somehow get fur coats that fit them?

* I know, I know, ALL raves are shitty

Thursday, November 13, 2014

The Simpsons is now in its 26th season, which means the annual Treehouse of Horror Halloween episode is turning 25! Ratings are on a 0-5 scale, with 5 being the top, of course.

And this is it! The last segment and, in true Fox fashion, it's coming after Halloween!

 Treehouse of Horror VII (Season 8) 4.5 Almost no intro and no framing device? Damn good thing they have one of the all-time greats!
  • The Thing and I - 4 Dr. Hibbert rockin' a fro? Oh, yes!
  • The Genesis Tub - 4.5 The classic "avoid the trope" horror movie is redone, but with fairy tales. I like it.
  • Citizen Kang - 5 This is basically 7 minutes of quotable, perfect hilarity. Kang checking his nametag before he says his name? So money.
"And hillbillies prefer to be called 'sons of the soil' -- but it ain't gonna happen"
"Perhaps we're all a little crazy. I know I am."
"Science has already proven the dangers of smoking, alcohol, and Chinese food, but I can still ruin soft drinks for everyone!" Prescient words, Lisa
"Oh boy, mold -- that's science fair pay dirt!"
"Stop! We have reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us."
"I am Clin-Ton, as overlord, all will kneel trembling before me and obey my brutal commands. End communication." "That's Slick Willie for you, always with the smooth talk."
"Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!"
"My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball; but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!"
"It's time to tear those aliens a third cornshoot!"
"Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos."

Treehouse of Horror VIII (Season 9)  3.5 The glory years may be gone, but not a bad showing.!
  • The Homega Man - 4 Hey! Another Twilight Zone parody! I'd forgotten how much I like this one. So quotable!
  • Fly vs. Fly - 3 Is anyone surprised that Homer would risk his genetic integrity to skip a flight of stairs?
  • Easy Bake Coven - 3.5 Not bad, not great..
"Stupid frogs."
"This baby's called the Withstandinator. It can withstand a 6 megaton blast -- no more, no less"
"But Aquaman, you can't marry a woman without gills -- you're from 2 different worlds! Oh, I've wasted my life"
"Oh, Spade, why'd you put Farley in charge of the bees?"
"Go to hell, Cloaky!"
"In the midst of all the killing and skin eating, somehow we forgot the love."
"I sentence you hags to to be burned at the stake until you are deemed fit to reenter society."
"If you are innocent, you will die an honourable Christian death."