Wednesday, December 05, 2012

A Stimulus Plan We Can All Agree On

A lot of politicians have claimed that they have stimulus targets that everyone can agree on -- education, infrastructure, health care for children, etc. But we all know that these are just government waste*. What is government for?

 To create peace by fear. And that's why each of you needs to sign this petition to the White House to give funding to a create a Death Star. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're asking (at least) one of these questions:
  • Why do we need this? Won't the Imperial Senate/Congress keep control of individual systems/countries? No, fear of this Death Star will***.
  •  Won't this just be outdated by better technology next year? No, this station is now the ultimate power in the universe
  • Shouldn't we cover those exhaust ports? No need, hitting a 2 meter target is impossible, even for a computer
  • Why should I vote for a stimulus package without a decent theme song? No need to worry -- we have THIS
* Seriously, when was the last time a healthy child gave you a job**?
** Get your mind out of the gutter, Jacko.
*** Also, who's afraid of Congress? Wouldn't that imply competence?

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