Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Floppers in Final

The one thing that disappointed me about Germany's solid performance last night was that no one sucker-punched Totti after the Italians scored. He'd spent most of the match feigning injury with his face in his hands after German defenders came inside his 3-foot wide Circle of Dive-itude. At one point he even jumped onto the back of Germany's captain, then after falling down rolled in "pain" until he magically recovered in time to whine about being called for the obvious foul.

This is an advantage of hockey, football, basketball -- a guy flops enough, you send in one of the bruisers to clean his clock, and problem solved. BUT in soccer, you have to play the whole game down a man.

Being an outside-the-beer-bottle thinker, I have the perfect solution: after a flop, the person caught doesn't receive a card, they receive a neon orange jersey. For 5 minutes (they must stay on the field the whole time), anything is legal on them, as long as there's no blood/permanent injury. A second flop gives you 10 minutes "In the Jersey". Obvious flops caught on camera after the game receive their penalty upon their next appearance.


Dave Jones said...

If Portugal goes through, I see it going to PK's. My prediction is that both teams will spend 120 mins. rolling on the ground writhing in pain clutching various body parts.

Can it be possible to just stop the tourney now? Oh well, I guess I'll just have to say something I didnt think was possible from me.

Viva le France!

Higgy said...

okay, say what you want about zidane's and his slide into wayne rooney territory, but i'm just glad portugal didn't reach the final. not sure what i think about italy winning, but i would rather see them raise the cup than another portugal player taking a dive. i don't know if portugal has an olympic diving team, but if they don't, i know where they can find some gold medalists.