Thursday, October 30, 2008

When In Doubt, Go With What You Know

With poor recent play and currently outside automatic qualifying for the 2010 World Cup, Argentina is looking for a cook to make a difference. Do you go with the coach who guided the Olympic team (which is largely composed of senior team players) to the gold medal in style, or do you go with a washed-up superstar with ego, addiction, and eating problems, but no significant coaching experience? Clearly, option B.

Here are some of Diego Maradona's planned changes:

- The jersey sponsor is the Medellin cocaine cartel
- His assistant coaches? Manu Ginobili will cover flopping and hand skills and Fidel Castro will cover politics and cigar smoking technique
- All team dinners (and lunches and breakfasts) will be held at Fogo de Chao (if there is none, anyplace serving gargantuan portions of fatty food will suffice)
- The team locker room now has a 2 drink minimum
- To encourage strong play, players will only be allowed 2 hookers after a loss (the spares will help the coach with game planning)
- No player will be allowed to remain on the team if any media outlet compares them favorably to Pelé instead of Diego
- Any player putting themselves above the good of the coach will be immediately released

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