Thursday, October 22, 2009
Vatican Tempts Anglicans With New Slogan: "Our Gay Priests Stay In the Closet, And Our Women in the Laity"
ROME(BS) The Pope today reminded conservative Anglicans that, "the Catholic Church is proud to keep to its traditions and not allow open homosexuals or women in its clergy. Only the pure of spirit, which naturally includes repeat pedophiles and former Hitler Youth, are allowed to serve. Also, tradition demands that sons of extremely wealthy families be allowed to remain priests, bishops or even pope, no matter how many mistresses, children or 'executive assistants' they may have." He continued on, offering to allow married Anglican priests to stay married if they converted to Catholicism and "promised to stop mocking my hats."
On the issue of women as priests, the Pope refused to comment as he could not stop giggling. A spokesman later issued his official statement on the issue, "*snort*,chicks! Ha!"
And in case you're wondering, I'm not anti-Christ, I'm just anti-organized religion. If you wonder why, read up on your Church history.