Thursday, February 24, 2011

Lost Posts: Was Your Ex The Scarecrow, Lion, or Tin Man?

I wrote this after watching "The Wizard of Oz"* last year.  I meant to post it then, but for some reason I let it sit.  Probably because , I was struck by how many of the characters represented "strong" traits present in exes.

  • Flying Monkeys - Will do whatever you want without questioning, but that's about it. Too quiet to be interesting, they're strictly short term solutions.
  • Toto - Annoyingly loyal, never wants to leave your side. This can be nice at times, but it begins to wear on you.
  • Munchkins - Cute, sweet, but ultimately unsatisfying. May also have bizarre hairdos.
  • Scarecrow - Just too fing dumb to date. Nice, a great dancer, but not the brightest bulb in the bunch.
  • Tin Man - Cold, heartless. Annoy him? It's the axe. Bore him? The axe. Won't put out? The axe. At least he's consistent, though.
  • Cowardly Lion** - Scared of commitment to the point of uselessness. Someone to go down the road with for a bit, but you're not looking for apartments in the Emerald City
  • Dorothy - Constantly whining about her ex, just can't get over him/her. Eventually she's kicking your ass to the curb with her ruby slippers and going back to him/her.
  • The Wizard*** - Bossy, self-centered, sees dates as minions there to do everything for him. Up to, and including, murdering rivals. Nice house and home theater system, though.
  • Glinda - "All good witches are pretty" pretty much sums her up. She's hot, knows it, and expects to be treated well because of it.
  • The Wicked Witch of the West*** - A bitch, and everyone but her knows it. Still, she's got moxie, which counts for a lot.

To be fair, in the last 10 years or so of dating, I've been a Cowardly Lion, Glinda (briefly), Munchkin, Toto (ugh - so humiliating), and (of course) Tin Man. I've dated almost the entire cast (some played multiple roles!), though I refuse to say who played whom. Unless you ask nicely.  Feel free to dish about yourself or your ex's in comments!

* No, I'm not obsessed. I just needed another post.
** This is unfair. It's not like we call them "The Stupid Scarecrow" or "The Heartless Tin Man".
*** I think their names are cool enough to warrant "The" before it.


Anonymous said...

Oh dear... Talk about uncomfortable truths...
Well, as long as I don't run into a Toto again. Thevothers I can deal with, but Toto... No. That's a no no...
Myself? Hmmm... I've been Tin-Man as well as The Wizard at times. And that as far as I'll go in my own analysis... ;-)
Brilliant post though!

Anonymous said...

Oh, and never ever ever was a I Dorothy...

jtingermany said...

I'm assuming both the previous comments were yours, AK :)

Yeah, Toto is the worst. Unless, of course, you're in love, then the Lion and the Witch kind of suck.

Fortunately, I'm past all this. Or so I claim!

Anonymous said...

Yep, that was me, both of them...
Still think Toto is the most scary, mainly because it sneaks up on you. Toto turns me into the witch, got something to do with lack of oxygen I think. A little bit of Toto qualities in a person is a totally other thing though...
But the lion and the witch you can get over, with Toto there is too much guilt. And who wants to feel guilty?

jtingermany said...

I agree, Totos are the worst to dump. Glindas are the most fun -- so full of themselves that they never see it coming!