- When offered truffle cauliflower soup at a restaurant: "I don't know what a damn truffle is, and I sure as hell don't want no damn cauliflower"
- On sports announcers: "You all suck. You guys don't have any fun. You're not curing cancer, you're not policemen. Have some damn fun."
- When the interviewer says that he only knows how to be a sports reporter: "And I'm not sure you can do that."
The Chuckster may be retired, but he's still in form. He even does a good Shaq impression: