Monday, March 21, 2011

Live Blogging - Raiders Of The Lost Ark Part 2

We're back! Sure, it's a bit delayed, but I can personally guarantee that this blog does not have any radiation leaks. Or good taste.

1:04:00 - Ok, this is officially creepy. I also hate snakes (blow me, Deanna & John -- you were both scared, too). Kudos to Indy for overcoming his terror.

1:06:10 - The blink-and-you-miss-it R2D2 & C3PO hieroglyph sighting! But how the hell did they lift the stone cover? C'mon, Steven, just have them use a lever!

1:07:15 - Is it empowering or degrading that Marion is using a traditionally male skill (binge drinking) to overcome her captor? I think empowering, what with the captor being French. Sadly, Horst is there to ruin her escape. I love his portable coat hanger. Say what you will, he does have a sense of the moment.

1:09:10 - The Ark is pretty cool. I'd like to have a chest that looked like it. Sans gold-plating, of course. That would just be pretentious.

1:11:00 - "Once again, Jones, what was briefly yours is now mine." Why does Belloq get all the good lines?

1:14:00 - Indy has the quintessential American male escape plan -- break as much shit as possible.

1:15:10 - I hate to nag, but Marion is recklessly destroying priceless relics with her crazed panic. You'd think she's never been a room filled with dried corpses before. I guess she didn't hang out in Uptown Dallas much.

1:16:00 - OK, having now been to Egypt, Indy would've had more luck licking his way through one of those blocks than pushing it out. Those things are a) huge and b) perfectly fitted. The Egyptians weren't screwing around.

1:18:15 - Marion is clearly the comic relief here, but she's just as effective as Indy so far in the fight. Actually, once she gets the gun going, she's more effective. I do love the boxing Nazi, though -- so cocky that he just wants a workout before he kills the scruffy jackass. If the French remake this in 50 years, this role will be played by a CGI MJ and they'll play Le Hoops.

1:20:20 - If I ever get in another fight, this is also my only hope of winning -- steering the other guy into a propeller. It's probably why I'm so mouthy at airports.

1:21:00 - Why can't directors learn from this? If they were running from an exploding plane in a recent movie, it'd be slo-mo. Ugh. I hate that.

1:23:00 - Why isn't "Chasing trucks on a white stallion" a tour option in Cairo? Screw a camel ride, I want to chase Nazis!

1:24:00 - Even while getting his head smashed into the steering wheel, Indy is still a FAR safer drive than 99% of Cairenes that I saw

1:26:00 - What's the deal with Nazis and driving goggles/gloves? They're obsessed with the things.

1:25:30 - Why does the motorcycle with the sidecar* survive but the other guys go over the edge? Nazi henchman karma is complicated.

1:28:00 - There is some HUGE variation in quality with the henchmen. Some of these guys get brushed off by trees, and one climbs the roof?. But, seriously? Not killing Indy from 3 fing feet away? Do they not have pistol practice in the Abwehr?

1:29:00 - Least believable part of the sequence? Not Indy going under the car, but Belloq keeping his hat on. Followed by the merchants in Cairo giving up so easily when the Nazis don't want their wares. Those guys NEVER take "no" for an answer.

1:33:40 - Poor Indy. About to get some, then he passes out. I totally forgot about this. I didn't, however, forget about the very badass scene of the rats dying and the swastika being burned out. Go Ark!

1:37:45 - I'm pretty sure the smugglers are cheering seeing the end of crazy-ass white boy. Who tries to sneak onto a U-Boat?

1:39:20 - At this point, is Indy after Marion or the Ark? Also, I'm betting that even on semi-tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the open-shirt look wasn't acceptable in the Abwehr.

1:40:00 - Belloq is playing this poor bureaucrat of a Nazi like a flute.

1:41:30 - Creepy Nazi-in-black-leather (Horst?) isn't really a sunshine kind of guy, is he?

1:42:00 - Worst bluff in movie history alert! And what was Indy thinking would happen? They'd give him Marion & a ride to Casablanca?

1:43:20 - "Inside the Ark are treasures beyond your wildest imagination" Or, not. Unless Indy's imagination can't top sand.

1:44:20 - You gotta give it to Belloq, he has a flair for the dramatic. That ram-headed gold staff is bitchin'. Perfect for a pimp costume!

1:45:15 - Horst's mocking laugh is so incredibly annoying. I can't wait til he gets his.

1:47:35 - And he got his! Let me get this straight -- faces melting and heads exploding are ok for kids (PG rating) but seeing a nipple isn't? WTF?**

1:48:30 - Note to self: Don't screw with God's radio. He gets testy.

1:50:00 - "We have top men working on it, right now. Top Men." I love using that line in meetings when nothing is being done.

That's it! No more Indy until Temple of Doom, also known as Indiana Jones Can Get Away With Anything Onscreen.

* Sidecars are cool, though
** I'm a big fan of the nipple

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