Thursday, March 31, 2011

Book Review: Towers of Midnight

WARNING: This post is ONLY going to be of interest if you've read the Wheel of Time -- and likely not even then. It also has spoilers for Towers of Midnight (Wheel of Time, Book Thirteen)

OK, I'm a huuuuuuuuuuuge nerd. And tops on my current nerdy topics is the Wheel of Time. I've been reading these books for 12 years now, and there's ONLY ONE LEFT. I loved the previous book, The Gathering Storm, which was also the first co-written by Brandon Sanderson. It was the darkest of the series (I hope), but it also gave me real hope that book 14 would be the end. But how was 13?

2nd WARNING: I wasn't kidding about the nerdery. If you haven't read WoT, then you should know this next paragraph will make Urkel seem cool in comparison.

So, the review. OMFG. There's so much ass-kicking here, it's hard to quantify. Imagine if Neo from The Matrix and Bruce Lee from Enter The Dragon had a child -- that's roughly the level of ass being kicked. Mat and Perrin are at the forefront, but everyone* gets a viewpoint, including the long-awaited (5 years, dating back to the fing epilogue of The Knife of Dreams -- Book 11) visit to the Black Tower. And the small matter of Moiraine, a plot detail that's been hanging since book-fing-5. I have to admit, that was the part I was most psyched to read, and it was a bit disappointing because it kind of went exactly how I expected it to. I like surprises!**

And Rand? He's out of the darkness and all kinds of awesome. Though it's a bit disturbing that we don't know just how sane he is. And speaking of sanity, Nynaeve stumbled back-asswards into restoring it to male channelers. She seems to do this with healing. Maybe she'll heal writer's block in the next one and cure George R. R. Martin.

So? How will the Last Battle it play out? It's hard to say. Sure, it's going to be awesome. That, I think, will be a massive surprise -- even Rand said he's not going to be fighting. But here are my predictions for the main characters:

Rand - Wins the Last Battle, survives, but in Moridin's body. He goes off with his 3 women and quickly realizes he would've been happier if he'd died
Perrin - Dies. One of the 3 has to, right?
Mat - Survives, goes with Tuon to fix the Seanchan.  Which is beyond necessary
Min - Damn well better survive
Elayne - Has healthy kids while dying in childbirth -- too much foreshadowing/cockiness of her "surviving" the birth
Aviendha - Gets knocked up by Rand, has 4 super kids and guides the Aiel back to peacefulness.  And finds the Song!
Egwene - Continues being annoying and awesome at once
Nynaeve - Somehow saves Lan AND helps Rand win the Last Battle, but stops nagging him after healing him from death
Moiraine - Goes off to be awesome and happy with Thom -- who can channel
Cadsuane - Dies at the Last Battle, never admitting that she should defer to anyone

Logaine - Gets credit for being the Dragon and becomes the new Man-yrlin
Moridin - He's swapping bodies with Rand, then getting whacked by Alivia
Lanfear - She is turning back to the Light, and will take one for the team
Taim - He's getting his, just you wait.  Oh yes, he's getting his, BIG TIME.  Damn straight.
Egeanin - She'll pull Egwene's fat out of the fire when Tuon comes to the White Tower.  She'll be a HUGE tool about it, but she'll get it done.
Graendal - I think she'll escape via Portal Stone OR weasels out of the Last Battle to mix it up with Mat afterward
Moghedien - How do you say "cannon fodder" in the Old Tongue?

Demandred - No matter what he does, it'll be a huge disappointment.  The Boba Fett of the books.

* OK, not Demandred, but he's been lurking in the shadows, so why change strategies now? I would not be surprised if he doesn't show up in the final book. He sucks.
** In my fiction.

1 comment:

Steve said...

I just rolled my 16 sided die and it came up nerd.

rearkibr - Norwegian for a "fluffer" for tertiary input pornography.